So, sometimes when I update my blog, I get a few really nice e-mails about how someone enjoyed the post, about how much they can tell I love my children, noting how happy my sweet babies seem to be. So, in the interest of full disclosure, I feel the need to post an honest description of my evening...
My daughter is in her room and has been screaming for hours (literally hours) because she doesn't want to clean. My oldest son is in his room and has been screaming for hours (literally hours) because a) his sister has been screaming for hours so why not? and b) he doesn't want to be punished for "play" slapping his baby brother on the face so hard that it left a red hand print and made him cry and then ten minutes later throwing his pencil across the room and leaving a puncture wound two millimeters from his baby brother's right eye. Of course, he "didn't mean for it to hit Jack!" Ummm, I'm the only thing sitting next to him. Did you mean to hit ME!? And my younger son? Wandering around, also screaming, because, well, he's been slapped in the face, stabbed in the eye, scared to death from the sound of mommy completely losing control of her faculties, and because a chorus of three screamers sounds so much better than one.
I'm off to read my previous post. I love being a mom. I love being a mom. I love being a mom.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Late Night Moments
Tonight, I had one of those special moments when I am reminded that God knows my intimate thoughts and loves me enough to respond to them sometimes in a gentle, comforting way. Our house has been full of colds, fevers, and the flu for what seems like months now. Today was a particularly difficult day. My husband, who usually sports an iron-clad immune system, has been sick enough to have him popping pills, an occurance I rarely see. Jack traded in his smile and dimples for puffy eyes and cheeks, chapped and red from a constantly draining nose and fever. He napped for a total of six hours today and still was yawning and curling up with his blanket when I placed him in his crib at eight o'clock. Everyone went to bed early. After I tucked Will and Molly in, Dave suggested we curl up in bed and watch TV but was snoring within minutes. I watched TV myself for awhile and decided to try to join my slumberers. But, I'm prone to worrying about life late at night. Particularly when my husband, best friend, and long suffering ear lender is already unconscious. So, I got up, wandered out to the couch, and pressed buttons on the remote for an hour. I watched some PBS, a little trash TV, but mostly worried. "I hope everyone is feeling better tomorrow. What if we are all still sick when our anniversary weekend comes up at the end of the month? How much money can we responsibly spend on the trip without causing any problems? What is it going to be like when our job situations change? Will we make enough? What will we do if we don't? How are Will and Molly going to do in school next year? Which school will they go to?" And, the questions I always seem to come around to... "Am I a good mom? Do my children know how much they are utterly adored? Do they know how much my heart hurts when I worry that I'm not doing everything perfectly? Will they grow up with happy memories of their childhood?" Sometimes the burdens of motherhood feel heavy. And then a moment happens where God steps in and lifts my burden and restores my joy. He reminds me of the amazing blessings I have and of the promise He has made to care for me and those I love. As I flipped through the channels, I came across Ed Young, our church's head pastor. I stopped for a second, thinking this would really be better late night entertainment than TMZ. Then, the verse across the bottom of the screen caught my eye. Matthew 6:34: Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Thank you, Lord. Oh, how glorious are the moments when your heart knows He is speaking to it. I continued to watch as Dr. Young talked about being fully present in the moments of your life. It was a sermon I needed to hear tonight. I sat there committing to being fully present with my family tomorrow. If they are still sick, I will care for them with joy. If they are well, we will play games, maybe read some books. When they speak to me tomorrow, they will see my eyes looking back at them. They won't see them glassed over with worry about the million things tomorrow might bring. They will see them fully focused on the wonderful blessings today brings. At almost the end of the sermon, Molly came out of her room. Usually when I have finally gotten her to stay in bed for the night after countless requests for water, stories, hugs and kisses, I don't see her again until morning. But, God decided to bless me a little bit more with a late night visit from my precious girl. She climbed up into my lap and wrapped her light little arms around my neck. She was sleepy eyed and beautiful. She told me that she needed to go potty and needed a drink of water. I said okay and told her I loved her, that she was my sunshine. I often sing "You Are My Sunshine" to her. It's the special song I have just for her. She said, "Daddy is your sunshine too?' I said, "Yes, I love Daddy with all my heart." She said, "And Will and Jackson?" I said, "Yes." She said, "This morning, I told Daddy I love him. Then I told him I love him 1 million, six hundred and ten." So, tonight, I resolve not to worry. Tonight, I will focus on the fact that I am loved by a little girl 1 million, six hundred and ten. And, judging from the peace He gave me tonight, I'm guessing I'm loved even more by the God who created me.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
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